I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
