It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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