Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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