lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize