Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
