I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize