why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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