you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
