Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
