i barfeds in our rink
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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