We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
