Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
