My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
