I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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