I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Someone came in the potted fern
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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