I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
