I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
