if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
