How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
