soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
