Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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