Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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