i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
