Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
