I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize