Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
