Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
