Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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