A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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