I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
