i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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