worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
