you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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