A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
