I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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