I cockslap morals
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
