Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
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