so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
