I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
