Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
