You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
