ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
