How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
