he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
