Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
