I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
