Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
