Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
