Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Will exercising make me less horny?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
