dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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