She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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