elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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