I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
