WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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