I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
