I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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