I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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