I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
