I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
