How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
