i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
