Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
