Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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