he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
