if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize