Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
