Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
